| Off-the-Collar Moments | |
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Tales of Living With Big Dogs.
©2003 Krista Mifflin |
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Dear Dog This is your pillow speaking, on this freezing winter night. Normally I don't complain, since it is 40 below outside, and your body heat is definitely warming (some might say "suffocating", but not me), however, your latest maneuver has put me in a bit of a spot. In a move that could only be called "paralyzing", your gigantic, twenty pound head has lifted off it's resting place (originally on my thigh) to "plop" (and I use this term lightly, you certainly didn't) directly into my gut. I realize that you are extremely comfortable, and yes, it is only three in the morning, certainly nowhere near breakfast time yet, but I think you had better move. I think you also forget who is the "Alpha" in this household. There's a reason *I* get to lay down first, remember? Polite shuffling of my person didn't dislodge your great big, painfully heavy head from it's new resting place on my bladder, and as further movement is rendered impossible by your patented "sleep and hold immobile" move ... desperate measures must be taken. I see that you are conveniently well-acquainted with selective hearing, as I bellow out at the top of my lungs : "Move Kari. Off, Kari! GET OFF ME YOU GREAT BIG MOOSE!" Your number one, guarranteed-to-piss-you-off move is also being ignored. I could blow up a full-sized hot air balloon with all the air I blew at your ears. Twitch, twitch, that's your only response. Sticking my fingers in your nostrils gets me ... slimy fingers. What's that line? "You can pick your dogs, and you can pick your nose ... but you can't pick your dog's nose?" So much for that theory. Finally, at three-thirty in the morning, I figure it out. I lean over (as much as I can) and stroke your big, gigantic head, all the while whispering in your ear ... "Kari ... do you want to go outside?" Now please give me a minute to gather my guts back into their proper resting place. In your enthusiam for the outside "break" that I also desperately need, you lifted your huge head and body, only to stomp on me on your way off the bed. ~ love from your Alpha Leader (at least I was the last time I checked), Krista |
